Halt

I have a previous post about my parents and their humorous misunderstandings because my mother spoke no English when they met. One that I didn't mention:

My mother was listening to a song on the radio that had a word in it like hush and my father was laying in bed trying to get to sleep, about half asleep already. She asks him what it means, this funny word hush that she hadn't heard before, and he tells her the meaning by saying "Halt dein mund." 

This literally means stop your mouth. It's the German equivalent of shut up.

It's not exactly an accurate translation but he was, in fact, answering her question, however because he was half asleep, he didn't say "It means shut up." He just sleepily said "Shut up."

So she's all mad, thinking he's telling her "Shut up. I'm trying to sleep here! Quit bothering me!*

I also have stories from my childhood about German immigrant family friends and funny misunderstandings.

A friend of the family had a yeast infection and her doctor prescribed a vinegar douche. Douche is actually French for shower and it's probably spelled different but pronounced the same in German.

She's confused and asking "How will that help?" and "How do I get the vinegar in the showerhead?"

On one occasion, my mother and a friend went shopping for sewing supplies. Her friend needed elastic and this is gummi in German.

You may be familiar with little German treats called gummi bears. This literally translates as rubber bears.

So her German friend is wandering the store and loudly asking "WHERE ARE THE RUBBERS???" And my mom is studiously examining something and pretending she's never seen this woman before in her life.

If English is not your first language, rubbers is slang for condoms.