Secrets

In my twenties, I sought therapy through a military minister. At some point, I suggested he was attracted to me and he denied it.

He was also serving as my couples counselor for me and my husband and as my husband's therapist. My husband was extremely introverted and hated therapy and after I concluded my therapist was attracted to me and thus had a conflict of interest and had no business serving as my husband's therapist, I told my husband therapy was a means to an end and he could quit if he wanted to. I just wanted a better marriage.

I eventually had an affair with my therapist. The LAW says I'm his victim. My internal metrics say I'm a grown assed adult and I made a CHOICE and I think I did the least worst thing in a shitty situation and I'm okay with my choices though I didn't want to be faced with any of that.

I NEVER told my therapist "I encouraged him to quit because I didn't want you hurting him to cover your ass and pretend you didn't have a conflict of interest. You already LIED to me. I knew which way you would err and it wasn't in the direction of looking out for his ability to sort his shit."

I NEVER told my husband "I had an affair with him and well before that, I let you quit therapy because I already knew he was attracted and lying to me about it and claiming he wasn't."

While living in Germany and in therapy etc. in my twenties, my therapist gave me a book and didn't want me to tell anyone he gave it to me. It was probably a Christian book called Lovers in Marriage.

My husband asked me about it and I said honestly that it was a gift from someone who didn't want me to tell anyone. He thought he was CLEVER and he guessed it was given to me by the only close friend I had in Germany at that time, some woman. 

I said nothing.

I do a LOT of inferring that it it COULD be this, that or the other explanation. I don't necessarily SAY that to anyone and then people think I'm stupid that I "didn't know."

People who have secrets they REALLY WANT to keep find ways to keep them. One of the books I read about infidelity said basically people who WANTED to have the affair and keep it secret did, sometimes for a LOT of years. The people who got caught weren't really trying that hard to hide it.

I wasn't caught, though I once went through a phone bill with my husband with charges on it to my lover's number and managed to SOMEHOW have him never notice. I later made an effort to use phone cards and not have charges appear on my bill.

Fact is stranger than fiction. I had a platonic friendship with a man that we hid so there wouldn't be gossip because neither of us was looking to have an affair.

The obvious inference isn't necessarily the truth. Me being slow to guess it isn't evidence it hasn't crossed my mind.

I typically want stronger supporting evidence and compelling reason before I start digging around in potential doodoo that may bite me in the ass for noticing and may cost me a friendship or something for admitting I noticed and inferred.

If you think you are super slick at guessing everyone's secrets, you probably aren't. I get HATRED for accidentally casually mentioning things I think are stupidly obvious and couldn't POSSIBLY be a secret and I am absolutely certain every single person I have EVER met has secrets I NEVER noticed that most people would be incredulous about if you tried to tell them.