Agency

If you are unwilling to speak to certain subjects lest some monster intentionally twist your intent for their bad faith purposes, you will find yourself silenced.

Sexual subjects are inherently hard to write about well. You must be prepared for your words to be wildly misinterpreted by a LOT of people reading them if you choose to try to add some value in this world on such topics.

I'm a woman who was molested as a child. I long ago took responsibility for myself, my life and my sexuality. And I get a LOT of open hostility for trying to talk about that. My remarks are almost never taken in good faith.

Women need to grow up and take responsibility for their choices and their lives if they want to be liberated.

Multiple US states have it encoded in the law that if the wife has a baby, her husband is financially responsible for that child and we don't care who the biological father is. Men sometimes decry those laws which date to a different era, an era when women were rarely financially independent and often couldn't have a job without her husband's permission or a bank account in her own name.

I have concluded it was likely rooted in knowing that some men engaged in threesomes with the wife and a male friend or similar activities...

I've had long distance relationships to two older men from other cultures where men are still held responsible for their women in a way American men are not. Far too many American men are assholes who want freedom to do as they please without being held responsible for the consequences of their actions and they default to telling women "I'm not the father." -- something some asshole told me when I was concerned I might be pregnant -- or "Get an abortion."

My father-in-law once said to his wife in front of me "I poked fun at you and you took it seriously." In other words, he just wanted sex and the BITCH got PREGNANT! Like she did that on purpose, intentionally saddling him with children he didn't want.

So my opinions of older laws on the books in the US dictating "You will pay for the child and raise it." are rooted in having had relationships with men inculcated with an expectation that they are responsible for the consequences of their actions and the children that result, even if those children don't carry their DNA.

Women's lib has a big problem because no one really wants to grapple with how freedom for women changes things we kind of had handled when women weren't granted rights like a human being.

Planet Earth currently defaults to assuming that sex involves a victim and an abuser. Furthermore, we assume it's always a woman and a man and she's clearly the victim.

Reality: Women have agency and pretending we don't actively fosters bizarre, problematic outcomes.

One of the most common sexual fantasies of women is of being raped. Why? Because women aren't supposed to initiate.

You can bet money some women do more than fantasize about it. Some women arrange to intentionally put themselves at high risk of being sexually assaulted.

Because women are supposed to be "good girls" and that means not wanting sex. We are supposed to marry for love and not know much of anything about sex.

If you do not know your own sexuality and what you want, it's not possible to meaningfully consent to anything sexual. And this shit may be why some fucked up women insist "All heterosexual sex is rape forced on women by men who are all rapey bastards."

I'm guessing that screwed up women who intentionally arrange to get raped are probably more likely than average to take it to court to prove their innocence and virtuous good girl status. Judges see the worst of humanity and are tasked with finding "justice" in situations that frequently boil down to "Oh. My. God. You're BOTH assholes!"

But if the definition of rape legally hinges on the detail of consent and a man rapes a woman who intentionally arranged to get raped because she's a whack job "good girl" and "good girls don't," you have a very ugly situation where he's clearly not a good guy but was it really rape if she wanted it and she intentionally arranged to foster that outcome?

Complication:

But I also know a lot of powerful men got there because they don't take no for an answer and it's not uncommon for men to keep pursuing a woman after she's told him no.

I'm confident the casting couch is alive and well. So I'm fairly confident some women just accept that sexual favors they don't WANT to give is just the price of having a career as a woman in a man's world.

In a world where a woman's options typically include:

1. Tolerate the casting couch to have a career.

2. Whore yourself out to some asshole and call it love.

3. Be homeless and at extraordinarily high risk of being routinely raped.

Some women may decide that the casting couch constitutes the least worst option they have in a social climate that has no meaningful respect for women and doesn't believe their sexuality belongs to them for their personal pleasure. If they are going to be forced to service men no matter what choice they make, they would rather have a paycheck and middle class lifestyle to show for it.

Slightly edited quote from my own writing:

...the so-called casting couch is a polite form of rape -- in other words, implied threats of social and financial harm in place of violent physical assault

See also this discussion where I post as DoreenMichele that talks about powerful men habitually being aggressive and not taking NO for an answer at work and how this impacts sexual situations where men may feel she consented and she may feel she was forced.

Choosing to have a job knowing it puts you at risk of being forced to have sex should not per se be construed as being a psych job intentionally arranging to be raped. 

I pity the fool desperately trying to make a good faith effort to figure this out as part of their job. I know I am given hell and accused of blaming the victim for TALKING about such topics.

I often qualify my remarks here on certain subjects for those reasons. Long experience as a participant tells me that if I don't, someone will make a fool of themselves by accusing me of being a rapey bastard, as obviously only a rapist man would ever say X (or something along those lines). And that is a huge, pointless derail that I hate seeing.

If you are a judge, lawyer, human resources personnel or other authority making a legally binding decision with consequences to people's lives, the accusations are guaranteed to be uglier and more vehement.