Fidelity

I was unfaithful to my husband the first time with an ex-boyfriend after around a year of being secretly married while he let the Air Force jerk him around because his mother didn't want him going in the Army.

I had already dropped out of college due to being secretly married because I didn't want to tell my parents I was married and didn't want to commit fraud on papers asking for federal financial aid.

Prior to marrying him, I had already given up a National Merit Scholarship and the opportunity to attend UGA, a world class university. I did so in part because I thought I had a plan in place only to learn later that he wasn't really ready to commit to me and didn't tell me that on the lane excuse that he didn't want to hurt my feelings. 

I was making important life choices that could not be undone and he was basically thinking "Free pussy!!!! What the stupid bitch doesn't know won't hurt me!!!!"

I'm honest to a fault and informed him of the infidelity promptly. Shortly thereafter, he finally spoke with an Army recruiter who shipped him fairly promptly. 

So most likely he finally got off his ass because of my infidelity cluing him that "You aren't paying her bills, so she's not actually your chattel property."

I'm seriously medically handicapped, so I don't really feel like "I WISH I had accepted my scholarship!!!" Trying to pursue a career without a diagnosis as a woman in a man's world probably is not some wonderful road not taken, some incredible opportunity missed out on.

I don't write to justify the choices I made in a shitty situation in a world that gives women too little respect. 

I look back on my life hoping to understand what really happened and why in hopes of finding a better path forward for myself into the unknown future.

I write about it mostly in hopes of helping other people -- regardless of gender -- figure things out sooner and hopefully get better results because of it.

Older women are frequently bitter about the life they've lived and frequently wish to dictate to younger women that they must not make the same choices their mother or whatever made and deeply regrets now that it's done and can't be undone.

That's absolutely not my goal.  

I would like to live in a world where it's not ruinous for a woman to choose marriage and kids early nor a huge personal sacrifice to prioritize education and career and me time in her early adult years. 

I would like it to stop being true that women are consistently asked "Which arm do you wish to amputate? Your left or your right?"

I would people to have better lives regardless of gender. I think this situation shafts everyone, not just women.