Hypothesis

This is a hypothesis from a gal who has been celibate for medical reasons for roughly two decades and hasn't been with too many people in the flesh. 

Definition of hypothesis:

a supposition or proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation:

In science, the terms hypothesis and theory have distinct uses. In colloquial usage, people often use the words interchangeably.

I am intentionally using this in the scientific sense of an unproven idea, not a fairly strong idea substantiated or supported by a fair amount of data.

This is my stupid idea as an old woman with limited real world experience who has talked to a bunch of people as a substitute for having a REAL life.

Snippet of a conversation I once had:

Me: He had a handle that meant roughly "doing you hard with a big boner."

Some guy: So you were hot and bothered by the THOUGHT of a big boner.

That conversation stuck with me because, no, I wasn't hot and bothered by the thought of a big boner and I never rebutted that characterization.

I was hot and bothered by the guy and never met him in person. I knew he was hung and I knew people who knew him, so I wasn't just taking his word for that.

How did I know multiple people far away who all knew each other? I don't know. I just did and that didn't seem weird at the time.

But I was raped at the age of twelve and it really hurt and I also have a genetic disorder that makes one prone to vaginal dryness, so I spent years afraid of being hurt again. 

I was eventually given a better diagnosis than "hypochondriac" and I don't suffer vaginal dryness to the degree I once did. Am I "normal"? I don't know. In parenting support groups years ago, we had a saying:

Normal is a setting on a washing machine.

But for whatever reason, having never actually been with a guy who was hung, I managed to get to know several guys intimately who were hung without ever getting with them in the flesh. And what my limited data sample all had in common was they all knew how to get a gal hot and bothered.

So I eventually hypothesized that this meme that women like a big dick is really a proxy for women like a guy who knows what he's doing and guys who are hung typically make it their business to know how to get a gal wet because otherwise it doesn't work at all for them.

Because most pornography and sexual research etc. is done by men, for men. Women are supposed to be good girls and marry for love etc etc etc. We aren't supposed to have nasty things like lust and sexual preferences. Ew!

And as a woman who spent a lot of years trying to figure out my own sexuality in spite of all this idiotic brain washing that I didn't really have a sexuality, I have concluded that women trend towards emotional bonding as a big part of what does it for us.

Some men also need emotional bonding because they need to trust their lady but men don't get pregnant and generally tend to be less at risk for negative consequences from a casual sexual encounter. For example, because men produce sperm and leave that behind, they transmit STDs easier than they get them in a heterosexual encounter.

So women are taking a big chance when they get laid and I think evolutionarily women have been coded more for emotional bonding and signals that we can TRUST him and he's not going to get us sick and he's not going to bail on us if, oopsie!, a baby happens.

Emotional support is hard to "see" so to speak. I think women fixate on ideas like the perfect wedding dress as SYMBOLS of love, trust and emotional bonding but when a gal is trying to tell a guy she wants him to be faithful or whatever and he's all "Buzz kill!", I think women are often TRYING to say "I think you're hot, but I NEED x, y and z from you to let my hair down."

So men who have certain traits -- such as being hung or having a high sex drive -- if they have any sense, they learn to do what it takes to get women genuinely hot and bothered, sometimes without a lot of "He's actually a lying manipulative asshole and things will turn cold when she learns the truth!"

And then we have this meme that "Women like men who are hung" and everyone assumes it's because she likes his equipment but the evidence doesn't really support that. 

1. Men who are hung and/or have a high sex drive often see themselves as a burden to a woman and presumably that's based on being treated like a burden, not based on merely being neurotic.

2. Women who have partners with such traits sometimes go on discussion forums and ask questions to help them cope with such a partner because they do, in fact, find it challenging to make sex work.

3. In the book Mayflower Madam, the escort service had codes to annotate records to tell the escorts what to expect and one code was for "he's hung."

I remember that last example because they discussed the codes and tried to come up with something that wouldn't be construed as initials for crude slang knowing if they got busted and it went to court, planet Earth would behave like a bunch of 13 year old morons making fun Beavis and Butthead style, so they rejected two or three sets of letters trying to find a code that couldn't be treated like that and it was treated like that in court ANYWAY.

So planet Earth is hung up on the idea that women like a big dick but I really don't think that's the case. I think women like MEN who are hung because most such men make it their business to know what they are doing so they can get laid at all.

And this is a hypothesis not a theory because it's based on a limited set of data of some handful of men I talked with and never slept with, but it exists because I talked with them and never actually slept with them so I can state for a certainty that they all got me hot and bothered and, no, their equipment per se was absolutely NOT The Reason I liked them so much.